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Monster Squad: Most Frightening IT End User Edition
by Rachel Smith —
It’s that time of year again – taking the kids trick or treating, putting on great costumes and heading to Halloween parties for a frightfully good time. Let’s not forget the real-life monsters that taunt us in IT tickets, wake us up in the middle of the night with urgent support requests and scare us with terrible IT knowledge.
Here’s your Monster Squad…
The Riddler: you know the type: full of partial information, and love to make you guess. This user doesn’t know how that screen cracked or what happened to their ports, and would never click that link in a mysterious email. They definitely didn’t visit that website. Time to bite your tongue, dig deep, and figure out what riddle caused the problem so the end user can get back to work.
Balthazar Bratt: Ah, the despicable end user that’s too smart for his own good. He files a ticket, then proceeds to tell support techs what needs to be done every step of the way. This user is also known to question directions and protocol as you address the issue. Even more strangely – despite being the company’s best amateur IT staffer – he continues to regularly send tickets.
The Zombie: they’re not necessarily evil as much as…lacking the brainpower to help themselves. Technologically stiff, shall we say? They’ll keep running into the same issues: letting their devices die a slow death, opening those suspicious attachments, and seemingly unable to comprehend tech support instructions.
Dr. Evil: he wants support, but is shocked to discover not everything that’s plugged in is supported by IT. Microwaves, cords, light switches, A/V, sound equipment, personal devices, sharks with laser beams on their heads – you name it, IT should be ready to fix it. Apparently, IT know-how doubles as an electrician’s license? Right?
The Pirate: incessant streams of cursing as you try to support them. Parrot not included.
Dr. Frankenstein: assumes IT tech support staff are not really human, but made up of coffee, energy drinks and leftover hardware. Believes IT doesn’t need sleep and can respond to requests immediately at any hour.
The Ghost:
End user: [Contacts tech support, describes problem]
Tech support: OK, let’s see what we can do… [Begins to describe next steps]
End user: I really don’t have time for this… [ghosts]
The Mummy: Generally accepted as the dirtiest of all classic monsters, these users also lack basic security hygiene, and find themselves unable to connect securely, avoid common risk behaviors like sharing passwords, and click on every phishing email.
We hope these monsters don’t haunt you or your help desk this week!
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